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I repent and ask forgiveness for my sins.


I repent and ask forgiveness for my sins.


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  1. Okay, folks, we’ve received a lot of reports on this post… and yes, a heinous sin has been committed here.

    The first two lines of dialogue should have included the necessary vocative commas:

    >”Do you see that man over there, Timmy?”


    >”Yes, Jesus, I see him.”


    Hopefully we can all learn from this, forgive one another, and continue in our lives with greater wisdom… for as Paul said to Peter, “We are replacing you with a guy named Ringo.”

  2. I mean if heaven was real, you would be there for eternity with your family and everything else you wanted, so why would you give a fuck if the guy who murdered your family is there too? It wouldn’t make any sense to want revenge at that point.

  3. “Hello, Uncle who used to touch me.”

    Jim Jefferies.

    Jokes aside, this is part of the trouble with Christianity. There is only eternal bliss or eternal torture. Even we recognize that infinite punishment for finite crimes is unjust.

  4. Honestly though, if there is a heaven the paradigm of what is wrong is completely different. You get to share in the knowledge of omniscient being.

    Even something being murdered is a lot less unforgivable if the result is eternal bliss in heaven.

    Traditional morality(by which I mean common-sense values) no longer holds.

  5. See that man over there Timmy? Yeah. He screwed over people all his life, he even wanted to have innocent people put to death. Wow Jesus! Do you know what else Timmy? He even had sex with a porn star after his wife gave birth but he forgave himself and now he is here with us.

  6. From Randy Newman’s FAUST


    The man who shot you in the head

    In that Burger King in Tucson

    Well, he never will be punished, you know

    He will move to Big Pine, California

    Become the richest man in Inyo County

    While that may not be much, it’s enough

    When he dies

    Sixty-five years from today

    With his loved ones all around him

    He’ll be whisked right up to heaven

    He won’t pass go or have to wait

    He’ll just march right through the Goddamned gate

    And why, you may ask yourself why

    For thousands and thousands of years
    I have asked myself why”


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