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When you’re the third wheel…

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When you’re the third wheel…


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  1. I dated a woman for a bit and she had a bit too much to drink one night and started with me in the street outside the bar out of nowhere. I put my hands up and just walked away. She kept yelling after me and ended with “Don’t fucking call me!” And I snapped back “Don’t fucking worry!”

  2. Went to a party with a pair of sisters. They are mildly catty at the best of times, but the next morning when we were in the younger sister’s car, hungover, driving across town to my car, the topic of breakfast came up. McDick’s or Tim’s. It took about four seconds for it all to devolve into full nuclear sibling meltdown. Older sister riding shotgun slams younger sister’s head into her door window. Without even a glance over, younger closed fist backhands older sister in the nose. It sounded like someone smashed three stalks of celery on concrete with a large potato. It looked like she got hit in the face with a bat.

    Moral: I lived the exact copy of the last five seconds of this video that morning in the car.

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