Trump is visiting Britain – at the least we are able to get pleasure from Melania’s contempt


So, Donald Trump is coming again to the UK. What ought to we anticipate, style-wise?
Caroline, by electronic mail

Re-inflate the orange blimp, the human orange blimp is coming again. This June, to be exact, for his first official UK state go to, versus his final go to which was – amusingly, adorably – described as “a working go to”, which is like once I inform my toddlers how useful they’re once they unload the dishwasher by placing all of the cutlery within the bin. Final summer season, should you bear in mind – and who might overlook – Trump spent his 4 days in Britain alternately hiding from and grumping concerning the British individuals who appeared lower than passionate about his go to. He managed to be a dick even to the Queen, barging forward of the 93-year-old girl as she valiantly tried to humour the enormous man-baby on walkabouts round Windsor. However the Queen may, or won’t, have had her revenge, possibly-allegedly-maybe sending coded messages via the medium of her brooches to speak her distaste for this man even different Individuals consult with as “that vulgar American”. It was a headily thrilling time for us all, and price the UK tax payer a mere £18m for the enjoyment. Ma’am, we’re keenly awaiting your brooch messages. Crimson for emergency, orange for double emergency.

So why are the Trumps coming again, you ask? Effectively, formally it’s to debate defence and safety with Theresa Might, in addition to being the visitor of the Queen (brooch on the prepared) for a ceremony commemorating the 75th anniversary of the D-day landings. We are able to solely wait to see if Trump bothers to show up, not like final November when, whereas on a visit to France, he couldn’t be faffed to go to the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery, the place US and French troops who died combating the Germans in 1918 are buried. It was wet, you see, and whereas honouring troopers is vital, avoiding dangerous hair days are extra so.

A few of my compatriots discovered our president’s behaviour somewhat mortifying: “It’s unbelievable {that a} president would journey to France for this vital anniversary – after which stay in his resort room watching TV fairly than pay in particular person his respects to the Individuals who gave their lives in France for the victory gained 100 years in the past tomorrow,” tweeted the US political author David Frum. To which I say: sorry, have you ever solely simply met our president? The person who claimed John McCain wasn’t a battle hero as a result of he was captured, however who himself didn’t go to Vietnam in any respect because of bone spurs which even he described as “non permanent”? If Trump feels embarrassment at attending army ceremonies, that is likely to be probably the most noble emotion he’s ever felt.

Nonetheless, ahead trying. What to anticipate of this journey, Queen’s brooches apart? Effectively, Trump is a person who proves Dolly Parton’s timeless adage that it prices loads to look so low cost, and that’s all that wants saying.

Which brings us to Melania, and the one query is: is Melania truly approaching this journey? Formally, sure, however will it’s the actual Melania or the faux Melania, ie the lady who sometimes stands subsequent to Trump and doesn’t look that very like his spouse? Conspiracy theories invariably overestimate the intelligence of these alleged to be finishing up the plot, and I do have my doubts about whether or not Trump has the psychological capability to handle a stand-in spouse. However I like this idea as a result of it performs to 2 of my pet theories: one, that Melania patently can not stand her husband. And second, that all of us know this, and our open dialogue of this isn’t about laughing at Trump (effectively, not totally), however on the absurd conference in US politics that the president needs to be married and current a Norman Rockewell-esque tableau together with his spouse. We see this with Melania being dragged out to face subsequent to her husband at occasions (after which whacking his hand away in disgust), and we see it once more with the spouse of presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke gazing adoringly up at her husband, as if the previous 200 years hadn’t occurred.

Solely two US presidents weren’t married once they entered the White Home – James Buchanan and Grover Cleveland, pub quiz followers – however that will effectively change. Among the many present candidates, Cory Booker is single and whereas Pete Buttigieg is married, he could be the primary homosexual president. The reality is, the Trumps, with their seen mutual loathing, are like a satire on the anachronistic expectations about how a First Household ought to look and I, for one, have excessive hopes about Melania ending them as soon as and for all on this journey, as she whacks Trump’s hand away exterior Windsor Fort. And when that occurs, we are able to definitively say this state go to was completely price it.

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