When/How do you establish to lastly accept help from family? (PTSD/Homeless)


My Mom obtained sick about three years up to now and hid it from her full family. She “swore’ me to secrecy, and decrease all people off. I was her solely caregiver taking her to chemo/radiation/surgical procedures each day. She didn’t make it simple for me, and fought me all of the means. Since I labored on-line, I felt like I “had the time”, and didn’t ask for help. Didn’t understand how very important getting help was. In doing that I misplaced my enterprise(job), social life, and connections with completely different people.

Ended up in treatment, and found how horrible our relationship was, and the best way fucked all of this has been. My melancholy obtained the extra critical it’s even been as a lot as her demise/after, credit score rating is ruined, and I’m broke. Terminal Most cancers really sucks because you get your hopes up contemplating in case you “merely maintain going”, the person will survive, then they solely die.

My Mom died last summer season, and grieving has been very onerous on me on account of I was attempting to job hunt on the same time. I was sexually harassed on the primary job I found, which broke me down further mentally. Found two additional jobs, that had been moreover horrible.

Being self-employed for subsequently prolonged, had many people not attempting twice at my resumes, or attempting to “put me in my place” within the occasion that they employed me after I used to be already broken down.

Ended up taking a short job that I’ve by no means had too many factors with.

A number of month up to now, the lease on my overpriced rental ended and I started residing in rented rooms. This was actually a pleasing change of tempo on account of I didn’t have to stress about month-to-month funds and obtained to maneuver after I wanted.

Being transient appeared okay until I obtained really sick, and the house proprietor obtained upset that her towels had been “ruined”(They solely needed washing). We had some form of language barrier, and she or he wanted $5 bucks to utilize the washer/dryer. I was sick, and unlikely able to return/forth over towels.

I obtained my stuff and went to go to an older relative. She lives further down deep throughout the southern part of my state, and I choose it down proper right here nonetheless touring to my temp job takes about 1 hour and 45 minutes each day. She moreover tends to talk quite rather a lot and has some factors/traumas of her private. It’s onerous for me to take heed to about completely different people’s traumas on account of it triggers my PTSD. I discussed one factor a bit crass each week or so up to now to her, and maintain remembering saying it/how shocked she was. Nonetheless she’d been telling me pretty horrible points for each week. Other than that, it has been okay.

She saved mentioning my Mom, and I knowledgeable her the truth for the first time in a decade. That my Mom allowed me to be severely abused by my Dad for years, to keep up her “household intact”, and the best way she did nothing to stop it. That I took care of her not out of obligation, nonetheless to actually really feel like I “accomplished” the job. This information shocked her, nonetheless I am tired of lying.

She’s knowledgeable me to stay as long as I like and relax, nonetheless I don’t perception it, and I’m undecided whether it is my PTSD talking or not. I don’t really perception anyone anymore, and it’s not probably personal. I don’t perception myself.

I’d try to find one different room for each week, nonetheless should I depart now, or just preserve proper right here as long as attainable? I gave her some money for last week, however once I lease a “precise room” is not going to be able to pay for my vehicle bear in mind + insurance coverage protection.

I rented one different room for the week on-line and was planning to depart instantly, nonetheless may nonetheless cancel it and easily preserve proper right here.

I hate feeling like a burden on anyone, and I actually really feel like she realizes how shut I am to the sting….which makes me actually really feel sad/weak and weak.

When do you accept help? Or know that you just simply really want it?

 



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