A break in and a housebreaking make me miss my fearless youth


Not too long ago I’ve had two nasty surprises. The primary was discovering my flat’s again home windows shattered (“Was it a baby’s soccer? Or a burglar’s fist?” I fretted). And the second was discovering my automobile damaged into. These occasions aren’t uncommon, however as a result of they got here in fast succession, I couldn’t brush them off. I felt diminished, weak and paranoid.

This, I do know, will not be my pure state. In my early 20s I used to be captivated by the concept of the flâneur – a French phrase for a person who roams society observing, usually at evening. Tellingly, flâneuse, the feminine equal, has by no means gained a lot traction.

However nonetheless I attempted, absorbing the town at its most trustworthy and wicked, blithely unaware of the grim reaper absolutely ready a couple of bar stools over. Once I assume again to the precarious conditions I discovered myself in, I shudder: there have been too many shut requires consolation. But additionally a lot pleasure, and lots of kindnesses: the lady who gave me some flip-flops when my heel broke, or the person who gave me his jumper on the practice station.

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How was I so fearless? Stupidity, in all probability. Just like the time I demanded a 6ft pickpocket give my purse again, holding out my hand like a mother or father saying, “Spit it out” to a toddler who has eaten a marble. Such issues appear unimaginable now. (He gave it again.)

I fear for others, too. Maybe an excessive amount of. Not too long ago, I discovered a younger lady, drunk, in a pub rest room. It was solely proper to inform employees and convey her water. It was possibly an excessive amount of to demand ID from the person who collected her – whom she known as Dad – and to check him on info I had gleaned from nothing greater than her drunken ramblings.

Maybe as we age we take fewer dangers, realising we have now a lot to lose. However I really feel I’ve misplaced one thing by retreating. So whereas my automobile is out of motion, I’m taking the chance to stroll, and to trip the evening bus. It’s time to flex my flâneuse muscle groups once more.


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