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Making Marriage Work | Dr. John Gottman – jj

Making Marriage Work | Dr. John Gottman

Here’s the science behind happy relationships! Dr. Gottman outlines the findings, tools and techniques that have helped thousands of couples from around the …



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  1. Hows too lazy to give gifts or cards for years! Yet gets his buddy golf balls or takes the other buddy out its his birthday! Didnt take his wife out for her birthday or daughter.Years ago I got a fit bit for valentines Day he said maybe youll lose weight. Couldnt understand why that was TOTALLY IGNORANT not at all romantic valentines gift.He lies and says oh IM tierd I dont want to go out for valentines well do it some other time kept playcating got mad when I said ok what day and tried to make a date because he never intended to actually go out for valentines day which SHOULD BE ON VALENTINES DAY I KNEW DAMN WELL HOW LETS DO IT SOME OTHER TIME GOES, LATER = NEVER W HIM. Yet he went out to eat w his buddy 3 times that week.Ridiculous nonsence he sabatoges all normal couple activities. And I do mean ALL!

  2. Dr. Gottman thank you so much!!
    I am now dehydrated from crying so much and looking for something might help to clears my head so I can think if I should give my husband a second chance and I saw this posts and helps me how to deal with it specially in this situation.. I almost call a lawyer for divorce but I bumped to this.
    Thank you so much! Like really.. u saved this family. More blessings to u and to your family and the rest of the team.
    Hard worked and great job to u all!

  3. Wow… This is amazing! We just started therapy and I am stuck as to where to start rebuilding our friendship… or reconnecting because we are friends… just a bit distant. This is something I will return to over and over.

  4. As someone who has been with the same man for the last 35 years, I wonder if I might offer a more positive alternative to the “looking away, head down, arms folded” scenario. I am someone who processes my world through my eyes. Therefore eye contact is important to me. My husband on the other hand processes his world primarily through what he hears. So when we are in serious discussion and he is paying real attention to me he will often turn his head away and offer me an ear! He will have his head down to cut out any extraneous distractions (indeed he may close his eyes) and will be quite still. He is listening intently to my tone of voice and my words and will respond to what he hears (not what he sees). In the early days of our relationship I did not understand and, believing eye contact to be important, felt “disrespected”. I now know better. He is not unique by any means. Look at an audience at a classical concert and note the number who have their heads down, arms folded and often eyes closed – their whole being is focused on what they are hearing and they are offering the musicians the greatest respect.

  5. My first reaction to the "asking open-ended questions" part was what if your partner doesn't like to answer questions… or feels like they're getting interviewed? Asking questions for 50% of the time for 2 weeks straight seems like a lot of questions… although I guess it has to be tested before stated. I know that some people just prefer to listen. And others are not a fan of what they might consider "deep conversation".

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  7. I hope this is generationally-specific. These points seems often basic and fundamental…I hope we've evolved as a species to know these things fundamentally? Points well-explained however- and always good reminders….but…

  8. Wow! What an amazing video and inside. This blew my mind. I met my partner 9 months ago and we were accountability partners and became best friends. He lives in London and I live in Florida. He decided to come and meet me and although he did not have it in his brain to have a relationship with me but because of our strong base on all these things you described we were able to understand why and how what we had was much more than accountability. We were attracted to each other on a romantic sense and we have been planning our life together the past month. Part of our planning is our own constitution about how we will deal with conflict and life problems before they arise. We see it as logical and it works for us. When I share this with people they tend to wonder why we do this. After this video I realized we are continuing to build structure for a successful marriage which is happening next year.

    I appreciate your work, research and sharing with us such valuable information!!!

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  10. My husband and I went to see a therapist in Santa Barbara, CA who was trained in and used the Gottman Method. My husband tested positive for genital herpes after his affair. The therapist said, “herpes is not a big deal these days”. To WHO? I don’t have herpes and like hell if I am sacrificing myself and signing up for that! I don’t know what this Gottman therapist quack expected me to do. Jump up and down and say, “yay! festering oozing blisters on my private parts….sign me up! That sounds like fun, no problem!” Another thing you need to be aware of. The fine print says that they will be video taping your sessions for whatever purposes. All your private matters and discussions will be filmed and you will not have control over who ends up with it. RUN.

  11. I think if there is one starting point all humans could make that would DRAMATICALLY change their relationships, it would be to become ok with feeling hurt. To be able to sit with the feeling and process it first before communicating. Most conflict arises from being hurt but wanting to avoid it by attacking the other person.

  12. I did! I looked inside to see what was wrong with me! But he didn't! He thought our problems were thus all because of me! Perhaps we were both to blame, but I'm working on making myself a better, wiser, happier person, and he's not willing to change a thing. We did all of those 4 hoursemen, and all in a one year relationship. I pulled the plug.

  13. Spending every weekend w his guy friend at his lake house all summer doing nothing w his wife every weekend! lying and saying we will this week never happens for over 2 yrsCalling your wife bitch ect when your the one WHO hurt HER instead of appologising and fixing it you do MORE DAMAGENEVER CALLING ALL DAY OUT AT LAKE HOUSE NEVER CALLINGS FOR 2 3 DAYS ! Stop giving gifts to spouce
    Saying youll pick up your clothes off the gloor for 10 months
    Promising to do things constantly letting your Wife down
    Lashing out at your Wife
    No sex. Not affectionate
    She spends every weekend alone

  14. This talk presents some interesting information. Requires a total investment from both partners that are looking to make a long term relationship have more understanding. I’d add we’re living in a post relationship era and people are looking for answers but missing this key marker. We consume relationships in a similar manner to products.

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